1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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