Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize