i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
