During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
