i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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