I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
