I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize