I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
