WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
