my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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