I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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