I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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