I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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