Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
