i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize