This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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