3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
