Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
