So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
