Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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