the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
