Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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