just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
