Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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