My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
