you guys were way drunker than both of me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
