Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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