Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize