I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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