they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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