come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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