Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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