Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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