I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
