I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
