I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
