my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
