I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
