We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
