Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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