and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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