I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
