Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
