I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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