I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
