Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found the puke drawer
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
