so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
