I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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