he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
