I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
