I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
