Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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