Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
