Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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