I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
