I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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