Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
