Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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