I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
