I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize