Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
