FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
